2001-09-02 - 3:43 a.m.
FRUSTRATION....I need to get a PA for the show tomorrow. I PRAY that Greg can get Daniels PA tomorrow. Then I can relax. This has got to be the most stressful show. It sucks that I have to get the PA too. It sucks more that NO FUCKING MUSIC STORES IN LAFAYETTE RENT PA EQUIPMENT ANYMORE. After this it's all smooth sailing. No need to worry about anything other than playing.
Today was wierd because I had to go to a funeral. It was my mom's ex-husband/my half sister's dad. It was a freak fishing accident..very sudden. I didn't really know him. It made me realise that I don't want my funeral to be all sad and stuff. I want it to be upbeat..a thanks for the memories sort of thing. I want there to be jazz music playing...nice cool jazz..like Miles Davis. I want to have a smile on my face. I don't even know if I want the whole open casket thing...that just makes people cry a lot. I'm going to have a taped message where I talk to everyone and tell them I love them and tell them not to be sad. I'm gonna have everything all planned and paid for. I wanna make sure Todd is there...my oldest friend. I wonder if I'll have a wife. I don't know if anyone will be able to stand me that long, or if my fucked up personality will be able to stand anyone else. This is assuming I'm old when I die. You never know. Wouldn't that be so wierd if I am going to die in say 5 years? Wouldn't we all live so much differently if we knew exactly when we're going to die. My grandmothers are old...it scares me to think of them passing away. Maby I could do something neat like draw blood and fill a bunch of small ampules for people to have something of me? That might wierd people out. I wonder what I'm gonna be like when I'm old. What accomplishments I'll have streached out before me. I don't think I age gracefully. I fight it, and I don't plan on stoping.
