2001-11-07 - 2:05 a.m.
I thought of something today..
After a certain age, the way you spend your life is pretty certain. For example, my sister is 33. She's been working for Lourds hospital for about 10 years and has moved up to a very high position. She's married, owns a house, two cars and three dogs. She wakes up early every day to go to work and works out at Reds every evening after work. She either cooks or they order out, and she works in her yard or around the house till she goes to bed at 10:00. It is probably true that her life is going to remain very similar to that for the next 40+ years.
Things are much less certain when you're young. There are an still an infinite number of possibilities. The future is quite uncertain for me. I haven't settled into any career or long term committment. So I'm completely clueless where I'll be or what I'll be doing 2..5..10 years from now. That uncertainty brings a certain anxiety. When you are in such a limitless and ambiguous state you feel a certain pressure to find some sort of security. We are taught that this is when we have 'succeeded', or 'made something of ourselves'. It's really pretty sad because we celebrate a deadening and choking of possibilites and freedom. I should be happy that I can wake up tomorrow, drop out of school and move to France simply on a whim.
It does make you worry though. I guess it's just fear of the unknown. It freaks me out when I think..what am I going to be doing in 3 or 4 years and I have no clue. My brain doesn't want to compute the uncertainty...it wants to understand and control...so then I get all worried and feel the need to get a job or career. I should keep this free spirit/unchained thing up as long as possible.
