2002-09-07 - 2:36 a.m.
Today was one of those days that threatens to rain all day but never really does. The sky was grey and pregnant, like a sneeze that just won't happen. I think it did drizzle a little, but not very much. I rode my bike to school today, and skipped my math class at the threat of being soaking wet on my way home. I called Adrianne after that. This time she was more talkative, probably because I surprised her and those defense mechanisms that make her scared of me didn't have a chance to deploy. She told me she quit one of her jobs. Good for her for not taking anyone's crap, but bad for her because she'll need money for her trip. She and her friend are comming to visit me as part of their road trip in January. House guests will be nice, and hopefully this house will be a home by then. I spoke to my dad on the phone, and I told him about me breaking the knob off of my air conditioner. I noticed he sounded a bit sad tonight. I think life on the road wears on him sometimes. I know he misses my mom during the week. When he returns, he has a mountain of chores to do around the house, then POOF there went the weekend. Without blinking, he stares down another week at some temporary residence, always busting his ass and doing his best because doesn't know how not to. He keeps a roof over our heads and bill collectors at bay based on that same reputation, and he's certainly more hard working than I'll ever be, or most anyone for that matter. He is the rock that allows me to be flighty and pursue foolish things like dreams of music and pursuit knowledge and the meaning of it all, all the while living his life as some unwavering monolith to pragmatism. He's always way more proud of me than I'll ever understand. I think I'll visit him tomorrow. I know he needs help putting in a new circuit breaker for the house.
I went to my old house tonight to pick up a few more things. In some ways it feels like an empty shell of what used to be the lives of three young men. It still has a certain life to it though, and that won't fade until the volley of wrecking balls finds its final mark. There is and will always be a certain energy there of serenity and peace. I sat parked in our driveway for a while with the windows down, while a welcome breeze brushed away the the heaviness, confusion, and desperation of a hot Louisiana August night.
