2002-09-16 - 11:22 p.m.
Fall is a time of year during which I want to be in Love. I want to feel her soft dry hands in my jacket pockets, searching for warmth but only finding cough drops and change. I want to smell the perfume on her neck as we embrace. I want to feel the warmth of her belly on my lips as we hide from the cold under warm bed sheets. I want to look into her eyes and feel a rush feeling that is so powerful I don't know if I'll survive it, so I just curl my toes, grit my teeth, hold on for dear life. I don't think this will happen for a long time. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell another girl 'I love you' ever again. I just don't think I have it in me. I'd probably be lying if I ever did say it. I don't think I'm brave enough to let myself love anyone again. I think of all of that bullshit and pain and it's just not worth the risk.
