2002-10-31 - 10:14 p.m.
I really need to read more. It seems like in the past few years I've only read lots of non-fiction. Oh there is the occasional Vonnegut or Clark, but I really wish I had time to devour more books. That's gonna be on my to-do list this winter break.
I had inventory tonight. No Halloween fun for me. I didn't have any candy to give out to trick or treaters. I've always wanted to dress up and hand out candy, but never lived where trick or treaters solicited. Perhapse I'll still live here next year and get my chance.
There is a certain wierd spookiness to Halloween. I can't explain it. I'm 24 and I can still feel the creepy vibe that I felt as a little kid. I think a lot of me is still very much a kid. I'm a cross between a little kid and a bitter 30 something year old. I was walking from the oil center to campus today and enjoying the magnificent sky and cool crisp air. The sun felt so warm on my skin all I could do is close my eyes and smile. Anyway, I was remembering the first day of college for me, and how it felt, and what I was thinking, and what I wore. I thought about my world view back then. So much has changed since then. In some ways I feel like not enough has changed. I always feel both old and nieve inside. I guess I never want to completely loose my nievity. I always want to daydream, and smile at strangers on the street, and think it's possible for everyone to be kind and good to one another. I want to always think that things can be simple and pleasant, and I never want to give up hope that there is someone else in the universe who can if not understand me, accept my silly little quirks, ideas, and tendencies.
I want to go to the park tomorrow, with someone I care about, and lay out on a blanket. I want to watch the kids, and newlyweds, and grandmothers. I want to experience the simple pleasures, like the sound of the gravel crushing beneath my feet when I walk on the track, or that brief moment of weightlessness at the apex of a swingset trajectory. I want to race somebody to the nearest tree and not think about how uncool it is for someone my age to be running like a dork. These things probably won't happen. I'll probably just end up going to work and selling bad cds to the masses, because the masses like bad music.
