2003-05-22 - 11:47 p.m.
So yeah..big surprise...I'm kinda sad tonight. Tomorrow I graduate college. I've looked forward to this day for so long, and it means nothing to me now. The taste of life has been robbed from me thanks to an infected heart valve. It's amazing that something so small as a virus, something barely alive, can steal something so big and wonderful as a human life. It stole the future we planned together. I'm trying not to be bitter, but this is difficult. The pain isn't as sharp anymore. It's more just a general numbing depression. I'm bored with this place. If I could write the most perfect song, would it make me feel any better? No. Would it change anything? Negative. I'm trying to keep my shit together, not for my own good, but for the sake of others. I'd rather just dig a deep hole, climb in, and cover myself up. I'll climb out when she and I can be together again. Anything short of that isn't worth it.
I sure can talk a lot of shit, I tell ya. I hope no one actually reads this garbage.
I'm stumbling towards the uncomfortable reality that I have to get a job and stuff soon. My dad said I can take the summer off, but I've got to get something...at least for spending money. My parents truely give me more than I deserve.
Ballistic Missile was entertaining. I got drunk as quick as possible and was out early. In fact, lemme go to the cafe and grab a drink. Alcohol will solve my problems. ;P
